Four Problems When Parents’ and Children’s Emotional Styles aren’t Aligned
I have seen an interesting pattern emerge over the last few years with the young (meaning typically under 25 years old) clients with whom I work. On the plus side, all are thoughtful, deep, well-liked, and nice people. They are accomplished students, athletes, and performing artists. These young people are driven by generally healthy values […]
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11 Perceptions that Sabotage Your Relationships
Is there anything more central to our psychological and emotional health and well-being than the quality of our relationships? And is there any other topic in the “self-help industrial complex” that receives so much attention? In both cases, the answer is a very sad no. What these two questions suggest is that so many of […]
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Life Shouldn’t Feel Like Life or Death
Imagine you’re about to present to your bosses and colleagues at work, take an exam in school, play in the finals of a tennis tournament, or ask someone to marry you. A man comes up to you, shows you a gun, and tells you that if you don’t succeed, he will shoot you dead. How […]
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Crisis to Opportunity Podcast: Episode #18-Overinvestment to Investment: Part II
Episode #18: Overinvestment to Investment-Part II of my Crisis to Opportunity podcast is the second of four in a series examining how your investment in the crisis determines whether you respond positively or negatively to it. This episode explores how a crisis that poses a high threat to your self-identity, self-esteem, and goals can lead […]
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Saturday Evening Post column: How to Let Go of Fear of Failure
The Saturday Evening Post published my most recent column, How to Let Go of Fear of Failure. Fear of failure is epidemic in our culture among children and adults alike. This essay explores the debilitating effect that fear of failure can have on people. It also offers advice on ways that people can let go of […]
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Raising Young Athletes Podcast: Episode #4: Self-esteem
Episode #4: Self-esteem of my Raising Young Athletes podcast explores how self-esteem impacts young athletes’ athletic and personal development. Self-esteem involves how children come to perceive and value themselves, in other words, do they see themselves worthwhile people deserving of love and respect. Self-esteem influences happiness, well-being, goals, and success, among many other outcomes. This […]
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Vlog: Build Self-esteem in Your Young Athletes
In this week’s vlog segment, I turn our attention to what parents can do to support the healthy development of their children as athletes and as young people. I focus on the essential topic of how to build self-esteem in your young athletes. Self-esteem involves how children come to view themselves and whether they feel […]
Read MoreThe Real Fear in Fear of Failure: Part III
In the Part I in my series, Fear of Failure, I introduced you to the epidemic presence of fear of failure in sports these days. The article describes what fear of failure is and its causes. I also describe three ways that athletes attempt to avoid failure: they quit their sport, they cause themselves to […]
Read MorePerfectionism is REALLY Bad
New York magazine just published a really unsettling article on perfectionism, expanding on my own notions on the topic. Let me state this clearly: Perfectionism is REALLY BAD! It may appear to lead to great success, but, to the contrary, it often results in a lack of true success and, more importantly, it will make […]
Read MoreFear of Failure – Part I
Fear of failure is the single most common cause of performance difficulties for the young athletes who come to me for help. Whether they experience low confidence and extreme negativity, pre-competitive anxiety, a preoccupation with results, or severe self-criticism, in most cases, when we dig deep enough, we discover a profound fear of failure at […]
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