How to Build Healthy Self-Esteem in Your Children
I was recently interviewed for this article on how to develop self-esteem in your children. The writer did a nice job of covering all of the bases.
I was recently interviewed for this article on how to develop self-esteem in your children. The writer did a nice job of covering all of the bases.
There are a lot of misconceptions about the role of results in achieving your athletic goals. Of course, you need good results to be successful, but the question is how to go about getting those results and, ironically, the answer is not what parents, coaches, and athletes often think. First, I want to define ‘outcome’ and ‘process.’ An outcome focus involved focusing on results, rankings, and beating others. Notice that this focus is on things outside of you. A process focus involves focusing on what you need to do perform your best such as preparation, technique, or tactics. In contrast to an outcome focus, a process focus is entirely on you. Now it’s time to discuss the paradox of outcome focus. Most people think that, to get the results you want, you need to focus on those results. But, and here’s the paradox, by having an outcome focus actually reduces the chances of your achieving the results you want. Here’s why. First, when does the outcome of a competition occur? At the end, of course. If you’re focused on the outcome, you aren’t focused on the process, namely, what you need to do to perform your best from the start to the finish of the competition. Second, what makes you nervous before a competition, the process or the outcome? The chances are it’s the outcome, more specifically, a bad outcome such as not winning or achieving your goals. The bottom line is that when you focus on the outcome, you are far less likely to get the outcome you want. In contrast, when you focus on the process, you increase your chances of getting the results you want. If you focus on the process, that is, what you need to do to perform your best, how you are likely going to perform? Pretty well, you can assume. And if you perform well, you’re more likely to achieve the result you wanted in the first place. Here is my wish for you: never think about results. In an ideal world, I would like you to be entirely process focused and basically never have results cross your mind.
It's hard to believe, but I’ve been back on snow working with racers since October 16th and that rollercoaster called another winter of ski racing is well underway. Racers aren’t only members of the ski racing community who experience the intense ups and downs of our sport; their parents do too. The fact is that [...]
As some of you know, I have written extensively about public education in America and am a vocal critic of No Child Left Behind and Race to the Top. One of the most misrepresented findings in public education these days is that American students' scores on achievement tests place them in the middle of the [...]
Hopefully, you’ve spent the summer getting ready for this winter of racing. If so, you should be stronger, better technically, and more mentally prepared than ever before. You're now entering the final stage of preparations for the upcoming race season with a final period of conditioning followed by getting back on snow and tuning up [...]
In recent years, our parenting culture began to send the message that competence was important for building self-esteem and that parents needed to do everything they can to convince their children how competent they were. All very reasonable, to be sure. However, that same parenting culture made a big mistake by telling parents that the way to instill competence in their children was to tell them how competent they were. Parents bought into this message and starting telling their children how smart and talented and wonderful they were. But here's the problem. Children can't be convinced that they are competent. When parents try to convince their children of how competent they are, they often have the exact opposite effect. There is this little thing called reality that children have to confront on a daily basis; life has a way of sending messages about competence that can be in sharp contrast to the out-sized messages of competence that parents send their children. When children are faced with the conflict between what their parents had told them about how good they are and what reality is telling them, the result is the bursting of the “You are the best” bubble that their parents blew up for them. The result: disappointment, hurt, and an actual loss of sense of competence. Let me be clear here: The only way for children to build a true sense of competence is through first-hand experience that includes travails, triumphs, struggles, setbacks, and successes.
I recently had dinner with a former client whom I had worked with about 15 years ago. Cassie (not her real name) was in her teens then and she is now a grown woman with a great career and about to be married. She asked for my guidance to help her make a major career [...]
I have been thinking a great deal about what it takes for athletes to achieve what I consider to be an essential goal in all of your efforts, namely, when your game, match, round, race, or other type of competition concludes, you are make two statements: “I was as prepared as I could be to [...]
These days, children seem to be given every opportunity by their parents to experience success in ski racing and every other performance activity (e.g., school, other sports, the performing arts). Many young ski racers receive extra help from personal fitness trainers and summer camps. They are given the opportunity to develop every possible ski racing [...]