{"id":596,"date":"2016-09-21T07:00:48","date_gmt":"2016-09-21T14:00:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/drjimtaylor.com\/blog\/?p=596"},"modified":"2016-09-21T07:00:48","modified_gmt":"2016-09-21T14:00:48","slug":"gifted-vs-hard-working-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/gifted-vs-hard-working-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Want a Gifted vs. Hard-working Child?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"gifted\"<\/a>Giftedness is revered in our culture; inborn talent\u2014whether intellectual, athletic, or artistic\u2014ensures that children will be successful, or so many believe. How many times have you heard \u201cSimone Biles was born to be a gymnast\u201d or \u201cSarah Chang was destined to be a brilliant violinist\u201d? Well, let me clear something up: No one is born to do anything, certainly not to do flips on the floor exercise\u00a0or play a violin. The only thing that can be reasonably said is that some children are born with certain abilities that can help them excel at a particular activity. However, giftedness is no guarantee of success; the world is full of gifted failures, of “can’t miss kids” who missed. Yet so many parents hope beyond hope that their children are gifted.<\/p>\n

Children have also fallen for this myth of giftedness. Whenever I speak to children, I ask them whether they would rather be gifted or hardworking. With almost complete unanimity, children say they would rather be gifted. When you\u2019re gifted, they say, everything is easy. Yet parents and children don\u2019t realize that giftedness can be as much a cross to bear as, well, a gift.<\/p>\n

Problems with Giftedness<\/strong><\/p>\n

Because gifted children succeed at an early age with little effort, they often have little ownership of their successes (\u201cI won the match, but I didn\u2019t even try.”). Without ownership, gifted children don\u2019t learn the connection between their efforts and their outcomes, and, without that link, they can\u2019t take pride in their results. They can\u2019t say, \u201cI did well because I worked hard.\u201d They may also develop the belief that they will always succeed in the future without effort.<\/p>\n

Another problem with being labeled as gifted is that natural ability is not something that children can control. Gifted children didn\u2019t earn their giftedness. They were just lucky that their parents gave them good genes. Also, when gifted children succeed, they, of course, attribute their success to their ability. Unfortunately, if they attribute their successes to their ability, when they fail\u2014which they inevitably will sooner or later\u2014they may\u00a0attribute their failures to their lack of ability (they must be stupid or untalented) and there\u2019s nothing they can do about it.<\/p>\n

Challenges of Being Gifted<\/strong><\/p>\n

Because they\u2019re gifted, these children experience early success and little or no failure. These children get straight As, compete above their age group in their sport, or take advanced classes in the performing arts. But sooner or later they reach a level where everyone is gifted (e.g., Harvard, the U.S. Olympic Training Center, or Julliard). At this point, giftedness isn\u2019t what makes these children special, because they\u2019re all gifted. And their giftedness isn\u2019t what ultimately determines who becomes truly successful. What separates those children who are simply gifted from those who are gifted and<\/em> successful is whether they possess the skills to maximize their gifts.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, these children will find that their inborn talent is no longer sufficient to be successful. Because everything comes so easily to them, many never learn the skills\u2014hard work, persistence, patience, perseverance, discipline\u2014that will enable them to become truly successful. Also, at some point, gifted children do something that they\u2019ve never done before\u2014they fail!\u2014and this can be a traumatic experience. Because they have never failed before, they didn\u2019t develop the tools to respond positively to failure. It is common for gifted children to either quit or start to underachieve when first faced with failure.<\/p>\n

Redefining Giftedness<\/strong><\/p>\n

The value of giftedness\u2014or the harm it causes\u2014depends on how you and your children look at it. If you and they buy into our culture\u2019s view of giftedness, then, yes, I believe that giftedness will be as much of a burden as a boon. At the same time, giftedness can be a wonderful opportunity for children to accomplish great things.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what I recommend. If you think your children may be gifted, have them tested by impartial experts\u2014parents are notoriously poor judges of their children\u2019s capabilities. If your children truly are gifted, don\u2019t tell them. There\u2019s no point. Labeling children as gifted places unnecessary pressure on them (“I have to be successful because I am gifted and if I don’t, I will be a complete loser.”). And whether gifted or not, there\u2019s nothing they can do about it anyway. If they find out they\u2019re gifted, tell them that they\u2019re fortunate to have this talent, but it\u2019s only a starting point. Whether it is ever fully realized is entirely up to them.<\/p>\n

Erase Giftedness From Your Vocabulary<\/strong><\/p>\n

Instead of emphasizing your children\u2019s giftedness (\u201cYou are so smart\u201d), you should talk to them about the attitudes and skills\u2014which are under their control\u2014that they will need to fully realize their talents (\u201cYou worked really hard on that project\u201d). Gifted children will only achieve true success if they enjoy the area of their natural talent, choose to pursue their talent, develop the skills necessary to maximize their gifts, and make every effort to fully realize their abilities. If your children aren\u2019t gifted, that\u2019s fine too, because they may have talents that haven\u2019t yet been discovered and, if they learn the right skills, they can still do their best and become successful.<\/p>\n

Potential Is a Pipe Dream<\/strong><\/p>\n

Another word that is closely linked to giftedness is potential. I regularly hear parents, teachers, and coaches saying, \u201cShe has unlimited potential.\u201d But, as a basketball coach once said, \u201cAll potential means is that you haven\u2019t done a darned thing yet.\u201d When children are labeled as having potential, they\u2019re being told that they have something that they might not have and are being saddled with an expectation that they may not be able to fulfill. Saying children have potential is saying that we can predict who will become successful with great certainty. Yet we\u2019re lousy at predicting who becomes successful in school, sports, the arts, or any other achievement area.<\/p>\n

Think of all of the “sure things”\u00a0who were so sure in sports. For example, National Football League teams spend millions upon millions of dollars each year trying to identify which college players will become superstars, yet these efforts often go for naught. Ryan Leaf was considered \u201ca sure thing\u201d as the number-two pick in the 1998 draft by the San Diego Chargers and yet he was a flop from the start and is now out of professional football. To more recent names that fall under this category include Jamarcus\u00a0Russell and Johnny Manziel.<\/p>\n

I recommend that you erase the word potential from your vocabulary as well. Instead, I use the phrase \u201cfully realize their ability.\u201d This means that whatever ability your children were born with\u2014and no one knows how much ability any child has\u2014the goal is to help them do everything they can fully realize that ability.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s about Hard Work<\/strong><\/p>\n

Contrary to what many parents think, giftedness is actually overrated as a contributor to success. Dr. Anders Ericcson, a professor at Florida State University, has studied expert performance in sports, music, mathematics, and other activities. He found that so-called innate ability was unnecessary to predict who would become most successful. The single greatest predictor of who would be become successful was how many hours they devoted to the activity. In a nutshell, the more they practiced, the better they were. Focusing on hard work will teach your children essential life skills\u2014persistence, patience, perseverance, discipline, time management, and how to overcome obstacles, setbacks, frustration, and failure\u2014that will enable them to fully realize their ability.<\/p>\n

Side Bar: Successful, But Not Gifted<\/strong><\/p>\n

I used to work with a junior sports program in Colorado. There was one athlete on the team, I\u2019ll call him Rick, who was really terrible. Everyone knew it, including Rick himself. Yet Rick was my poster child for the value of hard work. He was the first one at training in the morning and the last one to leave at the end of the day. Rick put in more time in the weight room, took care of his equipment better, and watched videos, read about, and talked to coaches about his sport more than any other athlete on the team. At competitions, Rick was consistently one of the worst finishers on the team. He was never going to be a good performer in the sport. Most people would call him a loser. \u201cWhat a waste of time for Rick,\u201d they would say, \u201cWhy do something that you stink at?\u201d Can you imagine working so hard and never seeing tangible results from your efforts? Thankfully, Rick was raised with a different perspective on his sports participation. He didn\u2019t care about results. He just loved his sport.<\/p>\n

Though Rick would never have athletic success, he was learning essential life skills that would serve him well later in life. Sooner or later, Rick was going to find something for which he had an aptitude and, combined with these life skills, he was going to be incredibly successful. After high school, Rick went to a good college, applied everything he learned from his sport to his academics, did extremely well, earned a\u00a0medical degree, and is now an orthopedic surgeon specializing in sports injuries. Rick, who was the antithesis of gifted in his sport, is what I call a success in every sense of the word.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Giftedness is revered in our culture; inborn talent\u2014whether intellectual, athletic, or artistic\u2014ensures that children will be successful, or so many believe. How many times have you heard \u201cSimone Biles was born to be a gymnast\u201d or \u201cSarah Chang was destined to be a brilliant violinist\u201d? Well, let me clear something up: No one is born […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1525],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-596","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/596","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=596"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/596\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=596"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=596"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=596"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}