{"id":4435,"date":"2012-10-29T11:41:06","date_gmt":"2012-10-29T18:41:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/drjimtaylor.com\/2.0\/?p=4435"},"modified":"2012-10-29T11:41:06","modified_gmt":"2012-10-29T18:41:06","slug":"4435-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/4435-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting\/Technology: Developing Children\u2019s Healthy Self-identity"},"content":{"rendered":"

Self-identity is one of the trickier contributors to children\u2019s healthy development because you can\u2019t \u201cdo\u201d things to your children to give them their self-identity. Rather, you can only create an environment that allows their self-identity to evolve naturally. A part of the environment that supports the emergence of culture and media, that aim to stunt, distort, or co-opt that self-identity.<\/p>\n

Of course, the obvious recommendation is to monitor and restrict your children\u2019s use of technology, from old-school media such as television and magazines to new-school media such as social networking sites, so your children\u2019s exposure to the forces that cause an externalization of their self-identity<\/a> is prevented or at least minimized. Let\u2019s be realistic though, as digital natives, your children are going to be immersed in that world, so such a defensive posture is probably not going to be adequate in safeguarding your children against its ill effects on the formation of a healthy self-identity.<\/p>\n

Here are some recommendations on how to develop your children\u2019s self-identity amid the cacophony of messages they\u2019re getting from media.<\/p>\n

Inoculate Your Children Against Media\u2019s Messages<\/strong><\/p>\n

You can help your children resist media\u2019s messages by priming them for those messages. When you consistently offer your children contrasting perspectives, you prime them to stand firm against the unhealthy messages. You can actively teach them \u201cexecutive functioning\u201d skills, such as impulse control, critical thinking, and long-term planning, that will further gird them against the unhealthy messages. You can also help your children become sensitive to media\u2019s messages which will enable them to recognize those messages for what they are and see them with a healthy skepticism.<\/p>\n

Emphasize Healthy Values<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

You should focus on healthy values that help shape your children\u2019s self-identities, for example, integrity, hard work, respect, responsibility, and compassion. When you emphasize values, you\u2019re also sending the message that the values your children will be exposed to through today\u2019s media aren\u2019t important to you or healthy for them.<\/p>\n

Highlight Your Children\u2019s Intrinsic Passions and Strengths<\/strong><\/p>\n

Media are telling your children that they should value themselves based on, for example, what they look like or what they have. You should be telling them that they should value themselves based on their unique capabilities, such as their academic, athletic, or artistic achievements, their relationships with family and friends, their passions and interests, and anything else they believe, feel, or do that originates inside of themselves.<\/p>\n

Keep Your Children Grounded in Reality<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your children are bombarded by messages and images from media that are entirely out of touch with reality (e.g., you can become rich and famous without any talent or effort). Yet, with persistent exposure, these unrealistic messages and images can become your children\u2019s reality and, by extension, an unhealthy influence on their self-identity. Your goal is to constantly expose your children to the real world, namely, the one that is grounded in positive values, accurate depictions of appropriate behavior, reasonable expectations and consequences, suitable responsibilities, and the inevitable imperfections, challenges, and failures that are a part of the human condition.<\/p>\n

Have <\/strong>Your Children Involved in Healthy Activities<\/strong><\/p>\n

The best way to keep your children away from unhealthy media influences is to keep them busy with healthy activities. Help them find activities that they love doing, whether academic, sports, or the arts, and that promote healthy self-identity. Research<\/a> has shown that, for example, girls and boys who play sports have higher self-esteem, get better grades, and have fewer drug problems and lower rates of sexual activity.<\/p>\n

Walk the Walk on a Healthy Self-identity<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you fall prey to media\u2019s messages and you develop a \u201cmanufactured\u201d identity, your children have little chance of developing their own healthy self-identity. Be sure that you have your own internally derived and well-defined self-identity and that they see it clearly. If they do, they will follow your lead and seek to establish their own positive self-identity.<\/p>\n

For much of your children\u2019s early lives, you are their most important influence. They initially look to you to decide who they should be, what they should value, and what they should do. \u201cDo as I say, not as I do\u201d just doesn\u2019t cut it when it comes to parenting. You need to make sure that you\u2019re living the healthy life that you want them to lead. Whether it\u2019s the people with whom you interact, the activities in which you\u2019re involved, what you talk about, or what you eat or drink, your self-identity, as expressed through how you live your life, will dictate to a large extent your children\u2019s self-identity.<\/p>\n

Create a Healthy Family Lifestyle<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your children will base much of their self-identity on their most immediate environment. If your family life is informed by healthy values, choices, activities, and relationships, they are more likely to internalize those messages as their own.<\/p>\n

Surround Your Children With Healthy People<\/strong><\/p>\n

You can surround your children with healthy people in their immediate social world who support everything that goes into the development of a positive self-identity. These healthy messages will not only prime your children to think, feel, and behave in beneficial ways, but they will also provide consistent exposure to contrasting healthy perspectives that can mitigate the influence from media.<\/p>\n

Talk and Listen to Your Children<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

Your children have a tremendous capacity to communicate with you about what is happening in their lives, both good and not so good. Unfortunately, they\u2019re often speaking in a language that parents don\u2019t understand. If you listen to their messages, verbal, emotional, and behavioral, you\u2019ll be better able to hear what they\u2019re trying to tell you, particularly when they\u2019re asking for help. Also, don\u2019t be afraid to talk to your children, especially on topics that make you uncomfortable or they may not want to hear. Though they may not always seem like they\u2019re listening, your children want your guidance and support because they know that they can\u2019t go it alone and they need you are on their side.<\/p>\n

Focus on Others<\/strong><\/p>\n

The one form of externalization of self-identity that is healthy is when your children direct their focus and energies onto helping others. Healthy self-identity is built when your children are not preoccupied with themselves and experience the intrinsic rewards of improving the lives of others. I encourage you to make compassion and community service family values and experiences to be shared.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Self-identity is one of the trickier contributors to children\u2019s healthy development because you can\u2019t \u201cdo\u201d things to your children to give them their self-identity. Rather, you can only create an environment that allows their self-identity to evolve naturally. A part of the environment that supports the emergence of culture and media, that aim to stunt, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1525,1758,1526],"tags":[78,68,147,105,137],"class_list":["post-4435","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting","category-popular-culture","category-technology","tag-media","tag-popular-culture","tag-self-identity","tag-technology-2","tag-values"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4435","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4435"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4435\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4435"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4435"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4435"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}