{"id":4368,"date":"2012-09-20T08:58:36","date_gmt":"2012-09-20T15:58:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/drjimtaylor.com\/2.0\/?p=4368"},"modified":"2012-09-20T08:58:36","modified_gmt":"2012-09-20T15:58:36","slug":"personal-growth-am-i-having-a-mid-life-crisis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/personal-growth-am-i-having-a-mid-life-crisis\/","title":{"rendered":"Personal Growth: Am I Having a Mid-life Crisis?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been pretty darned restless for about six months now and I just haven\u2019t been able to shake the feeling. I wasn\u2019t sure what to make of this unsettled feeling because I\u2019ve got a really good life. Then, I received an email from one of my best friends who now lives in London (I\u2019ve been having a bromance<\/a> with \u201cDrew\u201d for some time) in which he wrote, \u201cThe good news is that I am having a huge mid-life crisis.\u201d His declaration hit me like a ton of bricks. Am I having a mid-life crisis?<\/p>\n

But I was confused; mid-life crises are supposed to be bad. It\u2019s when guys, particularly those over 40, pretty successful, and married with children (that would be me) feel the need to chase younger women and buy sports cars. Though, as a guy, the former has a certain immature appeal, neither holds much interest to me. So I asked him how a mid-life crisis could be good.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what he said: \u201cI actually think our generation’s version of a midlife crisis could be a good thing.\u00a0 Mine anyway, powered by a growing sense of my own mortality and some vestigial feeling of re-birth, is all about becoming even more interesting to myself and to my wife and children.\u00a0At this point in his life my dad was sinking deeper into a leather chair and a copy of Time<\/em> magazine.\u00a0On the other hand I still think I can become a better athlete, a better dad, husband, friend, pilot, leader…you name it.\u00a0 Maybe that’s totally silly, but I feel a certain urgency to try.\u00a0 I think my midlife crisis is in some ways accelerating what I hope is an unconventional narrative; not a slowing and sliding into a life of comfort.\u201d<\/p>\n

All I could think of was, \u201cWow!\u201d My heart raced and my adrenaline started flowing. This time he hit the nail on the head for me. Even though I\u2019m supposedly on the back side of my life (over 50), I feel as healthy and vigorous and capable as ever. I\u2019m doing the best work of my life. I can still run and ride my bike and ski with guys half my age. I\u2019m not ready to concede anything to age at this point. And I feel like I have some of my best years ahead of me, personally, socially, professionally, and athletically. His thoughts really got me fired up to take full ownership of my now-defined mid-life crisis.<\/p>\n

But then Drew\u2019s next words tempered things a bit for me. \u201cI am fully embracing it even if it causes some stress!\u00a0I wrote a friend the other day a version of how I am feeling about all of this, and made it sound too heroic and self-helpian…it is actually a messy process, with large doses of self doubt and aches and pains,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

I’m definitely not ready to sink into a leather chair and get comfortable. Yet, over the last year or so, I have been feeling perhaps too comfortable. I love my wife and children. I love my life. I have a career that is both fulfilling and, as I define it, successful. We have a reasonable degree of financial security. I feel fortunate that I can do something I love, earn a decent wage, yet still spend tons of time with my family.<\/p>\n

At the same time, I\u2019ve come to the realization that I\u2019m a little bored. I\u2019ve been doing the same work for more than 20 years. I\u2019ve been running and biking the same routes every week for the last five years. I don\u2019t have any new hobbies or new friends.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m definitely feeling that sense of mortality. At one level, I feel pretty nihilistic; what\u2019s the point of life? I\u2019m going to die and that will be it. I have two choices then. Either I decide to check out of life or I decide to create meaning in my life. I either waste my time or make the most of the time I have on this planet.<\/p>\n

In these situations, the easy road would be to just sit back and let the clock run out because, well, I\u2019m comfortable and I have a good life. But I think I would have a ton of regrets (\u201cI wonder what could have been?\u201d) 20 years down the road.<\/p>\n

No, I\u2019ve always felt that life at its most satisfying has an edge to it, some stress, some discomfort, some feeling of not being settled. Maybe that\u2019s my problem. Perhaps my life now is too settled; there\u2019s nothing in my life that is really jazzing me now. So I need to take action. I need to do something that will excite me and break me out of my lethargy. But what do I need to do? My motto should be, \u201cJust change, baby.\u201d<\/p>\n

I do feel like I need a change, but don\u2019t know what that change would be. I\u2019m basically happy with who I am as a person (though there\u2019s always room for improvement). I have no wish to trade my wife in for a newer model, as some men do. My kids? Well, I love them and they are one aspect of my life that changes daily. I love my work, so I don\u2019t want to change careers (not that I could even if I wanted to), though taking on some new challenges or heading in a new direction would certainly keep me on my toes. I don\u2019t have any great desire to learn a second language, take up a new sport, or play the guitar. My wife and I have talked about leaving the Bay Area and starting from scratch somewhere new (I like the idea, my wife less so). So what kind of change do I make?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry to say that I\u2019m not going to be answering these questions by the end of this post. But I figure that asking the same questions that Drew asked is a start: Can I become more interesting? Can I become a better me? I\u2019d like to hope so. I just need to figure out how. I\u2019ll keep you posted.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been pretty darned restless for about six months now and I just haven\u2019t been able to shake the feeling. I wasn\u2019t sure what to make of this unsettled feeling because I\u2019ve got a really good life. Then, I received an email from one of my best friends who now lives in London (I\u2019ve been […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1518],"tags":[85,100,101],"class_list":["post-4368","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal-growth","tag-men","tag-mid-life-crisis","tag-over-50"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4368","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4368"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4368\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4368"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4368"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drjimtaylor.com\/4.0\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4368"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}