Happiness is, for many in our culture, the Holy Grail of life. At the same time, is there a personal quality that we pursue with such vigor and commit so much time, energy, and money to with so little success? One reason why so many people are unable to find that mindset and feeling that we all seek is that they don\u2019t truly understand what happiness really is and how to experience it. There is no doubt that the journey of the experience of happiness isn\u2019t easy, but it is reachable if you can clearly see what that ethereal goal is.<\/p>\n
Where many people err in their striving for inner peace is how they try to get it. Our popular culture<\/a> sends messages to us that happiness involves focusing on ourselves, and maximizing pleasure and minimizing anything that causes discomfort. For example, advertising campaigns<\/a> equate consumption with happiness (e.g., Coca Cola: Open Happiness). However, research<\/a> suggests that this hedonistic approach actually creates unstable, fluctuating, and transitory states of happiness.<\/p>\n In fact, happiness doesn\u2019t equate at all with pleasure<\/a>. It is also not unequivocally related to major positive or negative life events<\/a>. Happiness is also not experienced as strong emotional states often described by euphoria or elation.<\/p>\n What the Research Says About Happiness<\/strong><\/p>\n If you have ever read about the research on happiness, you\u2019ll have learned two things. First, over the last several decades, a large body of research<\/a> has identified the key contributors to happiness. Second, that research has consistently shown that there are certain factors that most impact happiness (and they aren\u2019t what many people think):<\/p>\n Though there is not a robust body of research that I found that supports my additional contributors to happiness, both my professional and personal experience have demonstrated them to also impact happiness.<\/p>\n Letting Go of Emotional Baggage<\/strong><\/p>\n I would suggest that no matter how many of the evidence-based influences on happiness you have, you will not be truly happy if you are burdened by emotional baggage<\/a> that might include low self-esteem, insecurity, perfectionism, fear of failure, anxiety (non-clinical), expectations, need to please, and need to control, to name a few. Emotional baggage weighs you down psychologically (e.g., negativity), emotionally (e.g., sadness, anger, frustration), and behaviorally (e.g., self-sabotage), thus making any level of consistent happiness a near impossibility.<\/p>\n To fully experience happiness, you need to let go of your emotional baggage, though admittedly, it is easier said than done. Emotional baggage is mostly unconscious and, even if you are aware of your baggage, that mindfulness isn\u2019t always enough to gain control of it. There are many ways to attempt to let go of emotional baggage including reading, seminars, and group support. At the same time, the best outcomes will likely come from addressing your emotional baggage with a trained mental-health professional.<\/p>\n Reducing Life Stress<\/strong><\/p>\n Life stress<\/a>, in the form of family conflict, work or school difficulties, financial instability, unexpected events, and health problems, just to name a few, is another aspect of our lives that can prevent you from being happy. Our primitive neurological and psychological reactions to stress, including activation of the sympathetic nervous system and hypervigilance, respectively, create body and mind states that also make happiness very difficult to experience.<\/p>\n Life stress can be handled proactively and reactively. The ideal scenario involves taking steps to prevent stress from becoming debilitating. For example, you might end an unhappy marriage (though admittedly that can cause another entirely different set of stressors), leave a stressful job, maintain your physical health with a healthful lifestyle (e.g., healthy eating and exercise), or build a positive social support system.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, some level of stress is an unavoidable aspect of modern life, so not all stress can be avoided. As such, when stress arises, it\u2019s important to have the tools<\/a> to manage and mitigate the stress you experience; for example, exercise , meditation, sleep, mental imagery, massage, mindfulness, humor, and support from others.<\/p>\n Controlling Your Life<\/strong><\/p>\n Being out of control is one thing that we humans do not like. This aversion arose due to evolution because, during primitive times, if our ancestors were out of control, death was likely to follow. Yet, there are many aspects of our lives with which we can\u2019t be in total control, whether our physical or mental health, work, finances, or relationships.<\/p>\n Ultimately, the only thing you can control is yourself, namely, the way you think, the emotions you experience, and how you act on and react to your world. At the heart of gaining and regaining control of your life is a simple distinction: do you react as a victim (i.e., \u201cI\u2019m helpless to change my life.\u201d) or a master (i.e., \u201cI\u2019m going to take control of what I can in my life.\u201d)? This shift requires that you make a deliberate decision to take control of your life.<\/p>\n\n